living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
