I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
