gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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