Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
