And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just pee around me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
