the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
