he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
