Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
