I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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