Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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