My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
