I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
