Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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