If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
