I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
