No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
