508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she peed on how many people?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
