someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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