From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Farmville is her only friend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
