She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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