i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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