She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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