The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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