What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
