I just pynch a tree in the face
4 words: hood of his car
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
