I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
