Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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