you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
