3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Randomize
