dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
