that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
