PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Randomize
