i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My pussy is not your playground.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
