I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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