I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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