I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
