Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
