oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
