I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
