hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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