One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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