My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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