I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
