Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
