How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm passing your future prison.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
