just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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