drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
