Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
