I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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