pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
