Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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