I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
