I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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