Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
