Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
