Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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