I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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