I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
