dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
this hospital has no fireball
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
