There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
