somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
