just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
