Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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