my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
