it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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