'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
