I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
