I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
